Bird by Bird

Author: Anne Lamott
Tags: [[Books]] [[Read]]
Introduction
Begins with a story of Anne Lamott's life. Her childhood raised by writers, and how she began writing herself
First big story to tell came from her father getting brain cancer.
- Pay attention and take notes. "You tell your version, and I'm going to tell mine"
Was able to get published telling that story, but the book came out to mixed reviews and not the complete financial success she was hoping for
"Sisyphus with cash flow problems"
After publishing several books, Anne began teaching writing workshops
December is a month of mondays, never start a big writing project in a monday in December
May go from wanting to have written something, to just wanting to be writing
Writing makes you perceive the world differently. "Everything they see and hear and learn will become grist for the mill"
"My writer friends, and they are legion, do not go around beaming with quiet feelings of contentment. Most of them go around with haunted, abused, surprised looks on their faces, like lab dogs on whom very personal deodorant sprays have been tested"
Many students hadn't heard about the terrible downsides and rough truths of writing, and she makes sure to tell them
But at the same time, she tells them that the process of writing makes them feel whole, and it makes it all worth it
This book is personal. It is filled with quotes that inspire her, and other things that she uses in her own writing, and what she has learned
Getting Started
Good writing is about telling the truth
"telling the truth in an interesting way turns out to be about as easy and pleasurable as bathing a cat"
If you don't know where to start, begin with childhood. Everyone has a ton of material no matter what their background, as long as you can tap into it.
Begin by narrowing it down. Trying to look at the entirety of childhood all at once is bound to fail, so start by trying to recall memories from specific years.
Ideas to pull from:
- Different years of school
- Teachers, classmates, peers
- What did you wear?
- What were you jealous of, or afraid of?
- Any family vacations?
- Any special traditions
- Pull in details from birthdays, holidays, etc...
Scrounge around in the brain for all of it. The little details, the embarrassing parts, the people around, the things seen, heard, smelled, touched. Capture as much of it as you can, this stuff is good ammo
To actually do this, there needs to be a consistent routine. The brain needs to be trained to kick in the creativity, and making it do that at a specific time and place is easier than trying to turn it on at will
There will be distractions, and intrusive thoughts, and interruptions. Still, try to stick with the habit, stay at the writing space, and with enough hours you wll make the writing voice come forward and start spitting words onto the page
Some days it will come easier than others, the words will flow and you just have to get out of the way
The anxiety and fears will cause you to hate what you have written, stress about all of it, and obsess throughout the day. But the next day, when you look back on it, you will spot paragraphs that sing to you and make you realize that it just took a few pages of writing for things to begin to materialize. And you can always throw out the bad stuff, and keep the good.
"you are learning what you aren't writing, and this is helping you to find out what you are writing."
Need to find one corner of the vision and then it can take off from there. Once you have a direction you can keep running.
Students often feel like they want to bypass all that and be published, they feel like they are good writers, and are then shocked when what they write doesn't turn out perfectly
Need to take those feelings, and rather than be overwhelmed by them, use them! Use those feelings as inspiration and to help make character choices.
[[Phillip Lopate]] poem [[We Who Are Your Closest Friends]]
You can't just want to publish, you have to want to write
Successful writers have the bored, frustrating, and terrible moments writing, but they also recognize that what they are doing has a lot of power. They recognize that in the small rectangle of a book stories can unfold, fantasies can evolve, and whole worlds can be created
Short Assignments
First thought for writers is usually to try and write something big and meaningful. This is like trying to scale a glacier, don't do it.
When that attempt quickly fails, our brains go into overdrive thinking and worrying about anything but the writing. Stop, slow down, take a few breaths, and think about short assignments.
Just focus on writing as much as you can see through a one-inch picture frame. Just try to write one paragraph. Pick one small element of the bigger thing you are trying to create and write that.
"Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way" - E. L. Doctorow
Context behind name: Brother once had to finish a report on birds done after procrastinating for months. Brother was completely overwhelmed, but the father gave advice: "Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird"
Approach it lightly, don't overly stress, all you are doing is writing a paragraph about something that is easily manageable. All you are doing is this one short assignment.
Shitty First Drafts
All good writers write shitty first drafts, it's how they get to good second drafts and great third ones
Not a single writer sites down and always feels wildly enthusiastic and confident
Funny quote: "you can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do"
The goal of the first draft is to let it all pour out, channel the childlike part of you out onto the page with the knowledge that nobody will see it, allowing the thoughts to run rampant and the ideas to explore their space
You get it all on paper because there may be a gem hidden inside the rough. The one sentence that guides the whole rest of the writing.
When writing food reviews, it would always be incredibly hard to get started until she just planned to write a shitty draft of only the first paragraph
This paragraph would be pretty terrible, way too long, overly descriptive, and generally nowhere near where it needed to be, but it gave a place to begin the next day when she was ready to edit, find a new lead, pick a good spot to end, and write the second draft
First draft is the down draft, get it down, second draft is the up draft, fix it up, and third draft is the detail draft, looking it over bit by bit for imperfections
Need to try and quiet the voices in the head that are making this harder than it needs to be
One exercise is to close the eyes, picture each of these voices, and then imagine picking them up one-by-one and dropping them into a mental mason jar. Then seal it up tight, watch them squirm, and get back to your writing in peace.
Perfectionism
"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people"
Perfectionism tries to avoid mess, and mistakes, and clutter. But those things are what lead to great creative works and show that life is being led.
Muscles around a wound tend to tense up, and similar happens with mental muscles. Perfectionism is a mental cramp.
The way to clear those cramps is to work the muscles, and the same applies to clearing the perfection cramp. You just need to work that shitty first draft muscle until it goes away.
"awareness is learning to keep yourself company. Learn to be more compassionate company, as if you were somebody you are fond of and wish to encourage"
The key takeaway, you need to push to eradicate the perfectionism, it isn't helping things, and it is making it harder to discover what you should truly be writing and actually getting it out there
School Lunches
Apparently there is a surprising amount of similarity between the psychology of school lunches and writing
Focusing on memories of school lunch can be a great one-inch frame
Used school lunches as an example to demonstrate prior concepts. Laying down the groundwork of past memories, spewing words largely unedited, hoping to have some interesting stuff there.
Anne recommends starting off this way, although for me, not sure my homeschool lunches apply...
Polaroids
Just like developing a polaroid, you can't know what a first draft will look like until it is done.
You start with some idea of what you are capturing, and it evolves and clarifies what is actually in the frame as you write
You don't know all that you will capture, you just know there was something there that inspired you to capture it
Gives a great example of going to the special olympics to write an article about it. Only went in with a vague idea of what she would write, but it developed as she saw the people, and the scenes play out, and noticed all the different things that spoke to her.
Character
The characters you create have an 'emotional acre', the job of the writer is to uncover what this looks like and what is being done to it
"Get to know your characters as best you can, let there be something at stake, and then let the chips fall where they may"
Try and learn as much about the characters you are writing as you can. Think about the way they hold themselves, the way they talk, mannerisms, voting patterns, responses to stress, etc...
Even if you have trouble getting into the head of the characters, don't worry, just start with the external stuff and work from there
Look inside yourself to try and identify different identities that you can explore for your characters
Try to figure out what 'now' your characters are living in
Actions and dialog are more poignant than pages of description, they can capture a large amount of backstory and context in sentences
The narrator of the story has to be likable, it helps hold the whole thing together (maybe why Stephen Fry is always a good choice?)
With a sufficiently engaging narrator, the rest of what is happening barely matters, they could be washing the dishes and you would enjoy watching it for an hour
The narrator can't be perfect, they need to have flaws similar to our own, they can't be overly hopeful, a dark sense of humor helps. But they also need to provide some amount of hope and levity.
The narrator should be interesting in the sense that we want them to be interesting, which depends on the context of the book and the reader
There should be, for the most part, a lot of truth coming from the narrator and the author. Unless it is a very intentional choice presented in an interesting way, being lied to by the impartial party of the book feels wrong
Odds are you won't truly know your characters for weeks or months after starting to write them
Plot
"Plot grows out of character"
Starting from plot is a recipe for failure, trying to build characters around a predetermined plot doesn't work so well, it is better to create interesting characters, have them interact, and think, and go about their lives. Let the plot form around that.
"That's what plot is: what people will up and do in spite of everything that tells them they shouldn't"
Anne starts off her writing by looking back at what she wrote the day before, she then sits and stares off into the distance, letting the characters play out their lives in her mind, and takes the time to really understand what would happen next, then she writes that down
The writer is creating a dream and inviting the reader in. "The dream must be vivid and continuous"
Consider finding someone who can review your work, be brutally honest, and kill off the parts of your story that aren't working.
Drama is a great way to hold the readers attention. Drama = setup, buildup, payoff
Need an understanding of what you are writing, if you are faking it or making things up that don't hold true to the real mind of the characters for the sake of plot it won't work
There needs to be a climax to the story, either a killing, a healing, or a domination
ABCDE formula: Action, background, development, climax, ending
Dialogue
Dialogue an be a great break from other types of writing
If done poorly it can totally ruin the mood
Dialogue is more like a movie than real life, it has more drama
Read aloud the dialogue
Should be able to identify characters based on what they say
Try putting together two characters who hate each other. Force them into a stuck elevator and a lot will come out of it
Spend time with your characters. Make some initial decisions that sound interesting, and then follow them through their lives, have them meet, and interact, and fall in love, or do any of the other things that people do. Over time some of the earlier decisions will make less sense, and eventually you will need to go back and edit, but first just get it out until you have a good sense of what they are like
There needs to be a heart in the villains, and flaws in the heroes
Need to draw characters from the real world, and real people, not just from other acts of fiction or intellectual creation
All of this comes down to practice, and putting in the time to write a bunch of shitty words that have nuggets of great dialog and allow for the exploration of the characters
Set Design
Occasionally you need to set the characters aside for a little while and think about the space they are in. What does it look like, sound like, smell like. The rooms are a showcase of the people and the world.
The rooms of the characters tell a lot about them
You may need to reach out to others with more experience in the type of setting you are trying to create. For example, reach out to more wealthy friends to get an idea of the furniture in the living room, what the house smelled like, etc...
Amazing little story about Anne's complete lack of a green thumb, loads of good imagery and storytelling right in a few paragraphs.
The point of the story was that she really wanted one of her characters to be an avid gardener. She wasn't a gardener herself, but loved the imagery and the various depths of meanings behind owning a garden, so she knew that is what her character would do. But she didn't have the expertise, so she called a nursery.
She gets help designing her sets, she can make them full of life by bringing in people that know more than her, finding examples in the real world and learning more about them, and generally recognizing the gaps in knowledge that need to be filled
False Starts
It isn't uncommon to think you have a direction to go, but after following it for a while it reaches a dead end and doesn't work out. So you start over.
It's very easy to have a confident first impression about a place or people, and have it all be wrong. You need to spend more time to really see what makes up each of them as individuals and not a uniform mass.
"When you write about your characters, we want to know all about their leaves and colors and growth. But we also want to know who they are when stripped of the surface show."
False starts happen because you haven't stripped away the surface level yet, so you don't truly understand how your characters behave. Once you can get to the core you can really begin to write.
Plot Treatment
Story about a book nearly failing because although the characters were great, there wasn't enough plot and structure around them
Even after rewriting, and reorganizing, and layout out more elements and better dialogue and improved characters, it still didn't ring true at the end
The book was right in Anne's head, but she hadn't gotten it down into the manuscript. In order to solve this, she had to write a plot treatment.
A plot treatment basically acts as the recipe for the book. It outlines every single chapter, how the chapter begins, how it ends, and roughly how it gets there. In this case it was 40 pages long. It worked.
How do you know when you're done?
There is no single satisfying moment
You rewrite, and tweak, and edit, and fix typos, and take in some of the feedback you have gotten, and then eventually you just know it is time to move on
It will never be perfect, and there are always improvements that could be made, but at some point there is no more energy or time to do any more, and at that point you are done
Looking Around
As a writer your job is to capture the world in as clear a way as possible
Need to be able to look around, recognize that everyone is dealing with shit, and just see them and what they are going through without judgement.
You need self-compassion in order to be able to look at others through the proper gaze needed to write about them
There is a sense of one-ness between you and the people you are looking at that needs to be achieved. You need to see everything as an equal and an individual, rather than the stereotype or image projected onto them.
Writing needs to be approached with awe and openness towards the world
Allow yourself to be surprised by the beauty of the world, and try to capture that and deliver some semblance of that to your reader
"To be engrossed by something outside ourselves is a powerful antidote for the rational mind, the mind that so frequently has its head up its own ass"
The Moral Point of View
Need to put yourself and your passionately held beliefs and ethics at the center of your writings
Don't make your writings moralistic, but there needs to be a core to the writing that is true to yourself
"The winds of solitude roaring at the edges of infinity"
It is comforting for the readers to have characters with a strong moral center. Not all of them of course, but at least some of them. It makes the reader feel better about the world, and that amidst the chaos, there is still a moral compass that can be followed
It isn't enough to write a lot, you also have to care about what you are writing
A moral position isn't a message, but rather a caring from the author
Broccoli
"Listen to your broccoli, and your broccoli will tell you how to eat it." - Mel Brooks
We need to be better at listening to the world and recognizing what is really happening.
We have trained that ability out of ourselves in childhood, we were told to ignore the big scary issues, and pretend everything is ok
Without that ability we only have our rational minds to guide us
You get confidence and intuition by trusting yourself
Need to let the mind dance and spin and crowd out the rational mind trying to shut it down
"calm down, get quiet, breathe, and listen"
Insight can be drowned out by folk sayings, moments of real intuition can bring to mind a folk saying that washes out the feelings from the original though
Find a usable metaphor for intuition, broccoli is just one option
Radio Station KFKD
KFKD (K-Fu**ed) is trying to play in your head, sending a stream of overconfidence in one ear and a stream of doubt and self-loathing in the other
Need to quiet that radio station so you can hear the characters and be guided through your story
First step is to notice that it is on, then try to figure out how to shut it off
Rituals might work, they can trigger something in your brain to tell it to get to work
Can also try breathing exercises
Your mind may wander, just stop, breathe, and bring it back to the work
The goal is to at least get to the point where your characters are louder than KFKD
In a story about travel fears: "between Jesus and a travel agent, something could probably be worked out"
Writers need to align themselves with the flow of their story and characters and allow it to flow through them, then KFKD will subside
Jealousy
Jealousy is a common track on KFKD, and a really loud one that is hard to quell
Although we know there are many factors influencing popularity, we all still want to be popular sometimes
It can make us frustrated and maybe a bit angry to see others, especially those closer to us, achieve success that we want for ourselves
"You believe that success is bringing this friend inordinate joy and serenity and security and that her days are easier."
That isn't true, success increases the pressure on their lives, and can make them miserable
You may think that it won't happen to you, and you will handle it perfectly and never let it get to you, but that isn't true
It is almost impossible to stop jealousy, so try to channel it instead
Don't let it fuel self loathing, or loathing of others, just recognize that it is a feeling, vent it out, turn it into something
Don't feel the need to be expressly happy for people who have what you want. Don't be mean, but being happy can be hard.
Index Cards
Has index cards and pens everywhere to take notes, write lists, and avoid losing thoughts
Even keeps one folded lengthwise in her back pocket along with a pen to capture ideas, dialog, or things she has heard anywhere she might be
You would think that the greatest things would be easy to remember, or at least easy enough to remember until you got back to the house to write it down, but that isn't the case, the image can be lost
When you start thinking like a writer, you see everything as potential material
Some people have an amazing memory and don't need to take notes on this material, the rest of us probably should
Nothing in particular done with the cards, the important thing is having written it down
She has them scattered around, cards from various times, and when she needs to just write she will look through and find one to use as an assignment or as inspiration
Doesn't need to be detailed, needs to be just enough to trigger the rest of the memory
Many of the cards are rubbish and get thrown away, some get used in a paragraph and thrown away then
The rest live on and travel in little piles, maybe to be used, maybe not, but there to ensure that some of the best things aren't lost
Calling Around
People like to talk about things they know a lot about. So don't feel afraid to call them and ask!
Spending too much time alone can start to make someone crazy, consider reaching out as both work, and a mental break
Sometimes you can't do your work without knowing more info, so figure out who would know it, and give them a call
Sometimes when making calls you will uncover other material you never would have gotten, either from the person, from the act of trying to reach the person, or from describing the issue to the person
Writing Groups
So much of writing is doing it every day, and really taking in the details of what you are writing about
Variety of reasons to go to a writers group, from appreciation of the craft, wanting to help others, or getting help on your own stuff
Don't expect to be 'discovered' and get published because someone loves your stuff
These experiences can be rough, people will rip your work to shreds
"You don't always have to chop with the sword of truth. You can point with it, too"
Consider joining with 2-3 other people for a writers group. It helps to have people you trust to talk to and hold you accountable.
Those sort of groups can work out incredibly, and lead to long lived friendships and almost a family. This is a group that can help each other out of the bad times and to continue improving
Someone to Read Your Drafts
Consider finding someone to read your drafts, it isn't about finding answers necessarily, but about finding if you have found one of the right ways to tell a story
Feedback from someone you trust can give you confidence, or time to improve the piece
Criticism is very hard to take, need to get better at accepting it and lean into it, allowing the person reviewing your piece to really help you and absorb what they are saying
Sometimes the reader can love it, but still feel like there are many holes and places that don't work, and that the whole foundation of the piece needs to be shifted
Find someone you respect, and just ask them if they want to work together and review each other's stuff.
Don't keep a partner that completely tears into your work. Even if it is nowhere near publishable, they should be able to tell you that in a gentle way that doesn't make you feel like crap, and they might even be getting pleasure from delivering that negative feedback.
"I don't think you have time to waste not writing because you are afraid you won't be good enough at it, and I don't think you have time to waste on someone who doe not respond to you with kindness and respect."
Letters
Try telling part of your (or your characters) history in the form of a letter
The informality of it can really help unblock your process
Start by writing the name of the person you are writing to at the top, and then tell them what you are writing about and that it is to them personally, and then begin writing
As you write, the memories will start flooding back, and you might need to talk to others to trigger others, but you will begin to capture the sights, sounds, and smells of the experience, and all of it will flow into this letter to someone you care about
Writer's Block
Little as anxiety producing as writer's block, and everyone will get it every now and again
Either you won't have written for a while or everything you have written will turn out dogshit
Both of these things will shatter your self confidence and make you feel like a failure
Instead of thinking it as a blockage, instead think of it as looking at the problem from the wrong angle
Try to keep writing at least 300 words a day, just to keep the muscle strong and the fingers loose
Live as if you are dying. If you are sitting frustrated in front of your computer, remember that that isn't how you would want to spend your last day, so do something else instead. Go for a walk, or read a book, or call a friend, it might help you write again
"It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what's keeping things running right."
Every concern and idea from humans has been recycled over and over throughout history, but those ideas have never been told with your unique combination of perspectives and personality
If you are stuck, do your 300 words and then go for a walk
Writing a Present
Writing to be published is likely not a great way to go. It is a painful process that isn't likely to lead to wealth and happiness. There is a long grueling lead up and a very short fan faire at the end
There are many other good reasons to keep writing though
You can write for others. You can write to tell their story, or a story they want told, you can write it as a love letter for them, a gift to their life
You can write to understand others in your life, understand what they are going through
You can write as a present to other readers, people going through the same things you are, and facing similar challenges, so they can understand that there are others out there and that they aren't alone
Writing in this way makes it very personal, and it doesn't matter if it succeeds, it can make your life and those around you better
Write presents like these carefully and soulfully, there is no need to rush or hit a deadline, just try and do it right
Finding Your Voice
It can take time to stop borrowing the voice of others and find your own
Anne's students tend to begin duplicating the style of authors who have recently released a new book, failing to capture the skill that allows the style to succeed
Great writers write about what is beyond the ordinary, they don't write lukewarm, they write something that may appear to be lukewarm, right until things fall apart, but there is always something more to the best writings
The writers job is to expose the unexposed, show the monster that lives inside every one of us, turn the unspeakable into words
You have to find your voice to expose the monster, you need to write without the inhibitions instilled by childhood, don't worry about using bad words or talking about off limits topics. Nothing is off limits to a great writer.
"the truth of your experience can only come through in your own voice"
Everyone has their own truth, the way that we feel about the world, and perceive life, and imagine our place in the grand scheme of things. We only fully uncover that truth by taking the time to dig into the good and the bad parts of it.
Giving
"If you give freely, there will always be more"
You have to keep giving to get better at writing. Give all that you have, from every part of yourself, and pour it into your words.
"Your child and your work hold you hostage, suck you dry, ruin your sleep, mess with your head, treat you like dirt, and then you discover they've given you that gold nugget you were looking for all along."
Writing makes you the host of an experience for the readers
Need to have a level of sophisticated innocence to be able to craft a good story while also believing that writing is worth it.
You have something worthy of giving, so give it
Publication
The publication process is full of stress and anxiety and nerves until you hear back from the editor and publisher and the manuscript actually gets the go ahead.
Even once you get the greenlight, there is anxiety at every stage. You see typos in the manuscript and begin to feel like the ideas are terrible and not worth publishing. And the reviews come in, and some are bad, and our brains make those seem even worse than they are.
Even when it gets published it will feel underwhelming, and there will be minimal if any fanfaire and excitement from anyone but you and your closest friends/family.
Eventually you will need to write again, and then there will be the new fears and pressures of living up to the expectation of being a 'published author'. Just sit down, keep writing, and push through that.
There may not be much joy in the process, but there is a lot of satisfaction in being a writer, and happiness to be putting out good works good enough to be published
You will likely have ego blows when nobody has heard of you, because most people won't have
"If you're not enough before the gold medal, you won't be enough with it"
We need to find happiness and peace from within ourselves, the world can't give it to us, and we certainly won't get it from things like being published and famous. But that also means the world can't take it away from us.
The Last Class
Write about the deepest most important parts of your life and childhood
"Becoming a writer is about becoming concious"
Be emotional rather than subtle, people will resonate with that and find your writing more interesting
Always write out of vengeance, but do so nicely
Write about the ways in which you have been wronged. But be careful to obscure the identity (e.g. change visual appearance, don't include many unique factors that woudl be recognized) of those who wronged you, lest you be opened up to libel.
Don't feel sorry for yourself when writing gets hard, consider yourself lucky to be able to build great things out of words
"One can find in writing a perfect focus for life"
Writing changes your perspective on reading, giving you a new appreciation and respect for the craft and what the author has put into the work
"if you really work at describing creatively on paper the truth as you understand it, as you have experienced it, with the people or material who are in you, who are asking that you help them get written, you will come to a secret feeling of honor."
"Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul"

Linked References

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- [[Bird by Bird]] - Anne Lamott